The Lord seems to impress upon my Spirit a verse to learn each year. I study it all year long and then later find out that it has deeper meaning/significance in my life...as in, He's preparing me/my heart for something.
In 2010, the verse the Lord gave me was:
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2) a time to be born and a time to die...Ecc. 3:1-2a
Since 2004 I have lost someone of GREAT significance in my life every other year on the even year. Therefore, in 2010, after the Lord giving me that verse, I kept praying we would not experience a significant death in 2010...seems weird but it seemed as if death was lurking in our family every 2 years. When 2010, came and went and no one in our immediate family died...I felt a sense of relief. Not knowing what was lurking just around the corner of the new year.
Nevertheless when death comes, it does not matter what year it takes place...it's hard and hurts regardless.
In February my 42yo step daughter died unexpectantly...we struggle with many things but the one of greatest importance is was she saved? Did she go to heaven? We shared the love of God with her but she never showed any interest. Did she repent in her last hours? There is nothing I can do to bring her back and at this point, there is nothing I can do concerning where she is spending eternity...that is the hardest part about all of this. There have been many negative things going on regarding all of this but THIS has been the hardest. I think I've decided to "believe" that she made it...once we get there will we know/realize if she didn't? God's going to wipe away all of our tears so I'm not sure what kind of "knowing" we will have there. Will we know any different?
I'm still amazed that God prepared me with this verse now imbedded in my heart & memory...I know that has helped during our time of mourning. I serve a mighty and gracious God...I'll praise Him in this storm!